Found on a newsgroup in response to some prat posting that SUV drivers were more likley to use 1 hand at the wheel rather than 2.
"You know that you can "prove" almost anything by cherry-picking what to
measure and the criteria you record, and you can make even the staples of
life seem evil:
For examples consider bread and water.
For the latter, see http://www.dhmo.org/
For the former, assume that it is claimed that bread is the cause of much
lawlessness and many social problems. Here's the evidence:
1. More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread users.
2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households
score below average on standardized tests.
3. In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home,
the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality
rates were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases
such as typhoid, yellow fever, and influenza ravaged whole nations.
4. More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours
of eating bread.
5. Bread is made from a substance called "dough." It has been proven that
as little as one pound of dough can be used to suffocate a mouse. The
average Briton eats more bread than that in one month!
6. Primitive tribal societies that have no bread exhibit a low incidence
of cancer, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's disease, and osteoporosis.
7. Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and
given only water to eat begged for bread after as little as two days.
8. Bread is often a "gateway" food item, leading the user to "harder"
items such as butter, jam, peanut butter, and even cold cuts.
9. Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is more
than 90 percent water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your
body being taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into a
soggy, gooey bread-pudding person.
10. Newborn babies can choke on bread.
11. Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 400 degrees Fahrenheit!
That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one minute.
12. Most British bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between
significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling.
In light of these frightening statistics, the following bread
restrictions have been proposed:
1. No sale of bread to minors.
2. A nationwide "Just Say No To Toast" campaign, with complete celebrity
TV spots and bumper stickers.
3. A 300 percent tax on all bread to pay for all the societal ills we
might associate with bread.
4. No animal or human images, nor any primary colors (which may appeal to
children) may be used to promote bread usage.
5. The establishment of "Bread-free" zones around schools."
Steve
"You know that you can "prove" almost anything by cherry-picking what to
measure and the criteria you record, and you can make even the staples of
life seem evil:
For examples consider bread and water.
For the latter, see http://www.dhmo.org/
For the former, assume that it is claimed that bread is the cause of much
lawlessness and many social problems. Here's the evidence:
1. More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread users.
2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households
score below average on standardized tests.
3. In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home,
the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality
rates were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases
such as typhoid, yellow fever, and influenza ravaged whole nations.
4. More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours
of eating bread.
5. Bread is made from a substance called "dough." It has been proven that
as little as one pound of dough can be used to suffocate a mouse. The
average Briton eats more bread than that in one month!
6. Primitive tribal societies that have no bread exhibit a low incidence
of cancer, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's disease, and osteoporosis.
7. Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and
given only water to eat begged for bread after as little as two days.
8. Bread is often a "gateway" food item, leading the user to "harder"
items such as butter, jam, peanut butter, and even cold cuts.
9. Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is more
than 90 percent water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your
body being taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into a
soggy, gooey bread-pudding person.
10. Newborn babies can choke on bread.
11. Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 400 degrees Fahrenheit!
That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one minute.
12. Most British bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between
significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling.
In light of these frightening statistics, the following bread
restrictions have been proposed:
1. No sale of bread to minors.
2. A nationwide "Just Say No To Toast" campaign, with complete celebrity
TV spots and bumper stickers.
3. A 300 percent tax on all bread to pay for all the societal ills we
might associate with bread.
4. No animal or human images, nor any primary colors (which may appeal to
children) may be used to promote bread usage.
5. The establishment of "Bread-free" zones around schools."
Steve
